While the video clip is loading below, I'll fill in some more of the setup to the emotional center of the film. As the story becomes more clear through the unfolding flashbacks, the apparent contradictions in Stevo's philosophy begin to break down his worldview. Despite his claim that he wants "a systemless society without rules", it is obvious by the framing that a lack of societal rules was slowly isolating each of the characters from each other.

Similar to the John Hughes movies of the eighties (eg. Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles) the film explores adolescent feelings of belonging. Unlike the typical Hughes characters who long to be included in the popular crowds, Stevo, Bob, and the other SLC punks are trying hard not to belong. It is this sense of non-being which starts to gnaw away at their social disorder.

Don't misunderstand me, though. Merendino isn't creating a morality play about the evils of non-conformity. Rather, he's painting a canvas of one individual's experience growing up and struggling with what to believe. This lack of universality, driven home by the individualized voice-over narration, help to underscore the concept of self expression and anarchy rather than conformity.

Now that the video clip has loaded below, take a moment to watch it, then read my comments below.

I was deeply affected by the emotionally raw performance by Lillard. His reaction to Bob's death was so real, so personal, that I couldn't believe it was only a film. I have felt exactly the same way as he expressed himself a number of times. What I truly found so completely genuine about the scene were Stevo's lines:

"Now what am I going to do for a friend? You're my only friend. Please wake up now. Please. I'm sorry."

These aren't heroic lines. They aren't infused with poetry. There is no logic. Stevo is simply reacting selfishly to the death not only of his friend, but on some instinctive level to the end of an important era in his life. On the one hand he believed in nothing, but on the other he relied entirely on his relationship with his best friend to feel complete.

This is not your standard Hollywood, or even Indy film reaction to a death. The scene is played without a musical score, using minimal editing, and it is entirely the actor who drives the emotional point home. Listening to the director's track I understood why the scene was so powerful. Merendino set up a camera running, unattended, and left Lillard explore his personal feelings. Alone. Just as those of us who have been in his situation have experienced it. When you're alone, there is no one to impress, and no one to disappoint. And it is clear that the lines are from the heart.

"I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready."

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